if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
