Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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