I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
