A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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