Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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