i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I touched a dick in church today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
