pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
