Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
