Where did you get a picture of my penis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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