the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
one might say we're banned from that church
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize