I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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