Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
