if i can run in heels then i can drive
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i've created a new STD.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
