Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
