Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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