Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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