My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it because I queefed?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
