Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize