The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
