Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
