How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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