We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
