Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
