well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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