Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I forget how to act sober
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize