I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
