I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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