im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
