talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
