so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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