..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
