Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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