How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
