i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
