The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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