Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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