You can't special order awesome
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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