He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
