Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
