I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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