So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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