I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
