Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
