I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
