She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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