My hand turned me down
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
