David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
