Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
