Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
