If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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