i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize