Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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