"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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