I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize