So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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