What did we do last night that was yellow?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
