I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
