dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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