It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
