dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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