We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
