so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
