STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
