i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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