i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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