he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
