I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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