check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
