i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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