I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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