Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
