Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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