Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
