his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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