are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize