Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
