Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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