I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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