you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
